Looking forward…

“Oh, I can’t do that,” shared an interviewee with a soft laugh.  We were talking about the internal barriers to transition.   Have you ever heard a similar voice in your head?  She’d transitioned before.   She could easily see – in hindsight – the walls erected by her own assumptions.  Those walls restricted her ability to envision what ‘might be.’   She went on, “I knew that I had to stop doing what I was doing.  I didn’t know where I’d end up.”   She seemed stalled by the simple question, ‘What’s next?’  Continue reading…


Opinions of others….

“It would be incredibly valuable to the companies and potentially very lucrative,” remarked my then boss, the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.  We were brainstorming about my next moves.   We both hailed from the tech start-up arena.   He was angling for me to return.   There was a lilt in his voice. ‘What fun!’ He seemed to be saying.   For whom?

148677_3577_puzzle

I often get the question, ‘how?’ to start a transition.  One of the toughest challenges, I think, is that our networks and people close to us see us as how we ‘are’ versus seeing us as what we aspire to be.

I thought I’d use my own before and after to illustrate this point.

That day my boss was trying to get me to start a new business, a boutique consulting firm.  His concept?  Leverage the incredible experience I’d gotten at the big company and marry it to the emerging tech world that we both loved.  He had it all figured out.  I’d partner with pre-IPO companies to establish SEC compliant processes.  He reasoned that this would be invaluable to the many companies who arrive at the pre-IPO altar with tin cans and string for processes.

“Why not cash in on what you’ve done here?” He remarked.    He loved the IPO dream.  He’d led many smallish tech companies but never to that ultimate Valhalla.

Here is the rub.  I actually considered this path.   I reasoned that I could easily start the business.   I could even be very good at it.   There was a real market need.   As ideas go this one was borderline great.

But, did I want to do it?   I had two kids under age 6.  Was I ready to hop into a services business, particularly one that was deal driven like the IPO market?

Also my exit from this gentleman’s employ had me teetering on the verge of disaster.  Years of five hours-a-night of sleep, spontaneous travel and the demands of my family had taken their toll.    Would transition give me enough traction to stay clear of the magnetic pull of these type of ideas and really listen to what I wanted?   Was it time to afford myself that luxury?

William Bridges, author of Transitions: Making Sense of Life Changes (Summer Book Review #2) said, “changes are driven to reach a goal, but transitions start with letting go of what no longer fits or is adequate to the life stage you are in.” (Transitions, Bridges, pg 128)   He noted that during the first phase of transition,  “we break our connection with the setting in which we have come to know ourselves.”  (Transitions, Bridges, pg 17)

I found an old document on my hard drive this week while searching (unsuccessfully) for something else related to my book project.  The document was a draft aspiration worksheet from 2012 – roughly two years after this conversation with my boss.

My draft said:  I am pursuing my interests in women’s development. This manifests itself in two ways: (a) contributing to Golden Seeds, LLC, an angel capital network dedicated to providing growth capital to women-led start-ups; and (b) authoring the blog Novofemina.com, a celebration of Women’s Transition Issues. I am also interested in serving on Boards to leverage my experience as Board Chair of a high-tech start-up and as a facilitator of the Compensation Committee of the Board of Directors of a S&P 500 company. Long term, unqualified success? To be a recognized thought leader on Women’s Transition globally.

Right or wrong it’s quite a pivot from my SEC compliant start-up.   How did I make the leap?

Today’s and the next few posts will cover the many techniques that I used.  There was no silver bullet.

One important early one was starting the iterative process to answer a few basic questions.  Together these questions helped me re-articulate my identity.   They are:

I am ___ (Who).

I do _______ (What).

I love it because ____________ (Why?).

I hope to ________________ (Impact).

Could these work for you?

I wrote the answers to these questions occasionally.   Months would go by and I wouldn’t touch it.    But then I’d have a free moment and take another crack at it.

After a few iterations I broke free from replicating the world I’d just exited.    I married this simple Q&A technique with a few visioning exercises (I’ll cover visioning in an upcoming post).

That coupling really got me started.  Once the aperture of ideas was expanded it became easier to eliminate the boundaries that I or others had erected for me.

Would it surprise you that my former boss has pivoted to a ceo role at a tech start-up?   It makes his heart sing.

At the end of the day we both got something important.

I got the courage to know that more was possible and the humility to keep exploring it.

How will you proceed?   Will you begin?   Are you ready for questions?  Or more importantly are you ready to listen to YOUR answers?

 

Copyright © 2014 NovoFemina.com.  All rights reserved. No content on this site may be reused in any fashion without written permission from NovoFemina.com.


Fear and Moving Forward

“Have you ever been afraid?”  asked an incredibly articulate 7th grader from the Timilty Middle School in Boston’s Roxbury neighborhood.   The question came via a letter about a month ago as part of a pen pal program that I participate in between the school and Simmons College, my undergrad alma mater.   He went on to share that his fears were rooted in the violence that plagues his neighborhood.   How could he walk home alone?   Not long ago a classmate at the Timilty, an honor student, was gunned down on the basketball court.   Fear?  Continue reading…


Networking essentials…

“If you could pack a bag for a woman who was about to embark on a transition, what would you include?” I asked during an interview earlier this week.  I love the question.  It’s my favorite one to ask during Focus Groups.   As women we carry bags, large and small.   Brief cases.  Totes.  Shoulder bags.  Handbags.  If yours is anything like mine all manner of detritus can fit inside.  Her answer to this bag dilemma?  A mirror. Continue reading…


When does transition start?

“Nancy, Nancy, wake up!” I screeched as I tried to wake my sister from across the room.  She and I had slept for an hour or two on chairs as we kept vigil at the hospital.   My dad, the patient whose hand I was holding, had been battling cancer.   Over the week leading up to that morning he’d gone from responsive and laughing to captive in a body fatigued by a long, complicated disease.   Thirty minutes earlier I woke up to his erratic breathing.  I knew it was time to say goodbye.  “Wake up!” Continue reading…


Transitions derailed….

“Oh, you’re dreaming,” shared Margot, a forty something Focus Group participant.  She was relating a conversation with a family member who wasn’t necessarily embracing her transitional aspirations.  Margot had exited a job that was a poor fit, pivoted to a new industry and added a husband and three children along the way.   “What I’m investigating might not lead to a direct result,” she said.   “Or it might happen down the line.  You have to be comfortable with that….”  Clearly her relatives were not.   That evening we threw the relatives and several other issues into a bucket called derailers, those events that can cause us to stall or head for the hills while in transition.  Have you ever encountered any? Continue reading…


Gratitude: transition’s enabler

Gratitude is a big word and stands on the precipice of overuse at the moment.   I’m always wary of such popular words because it reminds me of a former colleague who was a flavor-of-the-month buzzword type.  Have you ever met one?   One month, vulnerability.  The next, birth order, transparency, and on and on.   It never really served him well.   For example, I remember being corned once by an employee who had interviewed with this guy.  “You have to talk to him,” he appealed.  It seems that during his interview Mr. Buzzword had asked about this gentleman’s parent, a parent who had abused this guy as a kid.   After that little adventure I characterize myself as ‘duly schooled’ on the risks of trendy-word overuse.   Gratitude. Continue reading…


Transition: a financial lens

“The other big shift for me was just recognizing that security is all illusion,” shared a Focus Group participant.  We were discussing our lessons learned from transition.  The surprises?  “I started letting go or recognizing that what I thought was security really wasn’t gaining me the traction for joy or however you want to label it,” she went on.  “That was a big let go….(letting go of) going after  the paycheck because I thought I needed that security.”   Have you bumped into similar lessons? Continue reading…


Transition: a predictable event?

“Can you tell me when I’m about to transition?” asked a colleague and friend. Her tone was hopeful.  Did I hear a nervous laugh?   She was drowning a bit.  She’d just sold her husband’s family home.  She’d moved her own parents into assisted living.  Her work life had real challenges and her fourth child was readying for college.  It made me wonder, are transitions predictable? Continue reading…


Creativity’s role in transition

‘I’m not sure how to get from today to where I want to be,’ shared a colleague who is considering transition.  She’s had a series of big jobs.  She is a type A, fast-tracker.  Her dream is to create a new marketing platform for an industry that she’s been in for years.  The idea is disruptive and engaging and new.  Sounds awesome, right?  She carries the financial responsibility for her family among other demands.  The result?  A lot of ambiguity about how to transition.  I wonder if there is any magic to how we transition? Continue reading…