novofemina – Page 2 – Women and Transition

Passion’s Gift….

“From running, I learn to be passionate,” shared Yujue Wang one of seven runners on Boston University’s 2014 Boston Marathon Team. Wang’s story was part of a sea of media coverage this week commemorating the 2013 Boston Marathon tragedy. The BU team is running in memory of 23-year-old grad student Lu Lingzi who was killed last year close to the finish line. Miss Lingzi studied statistics. She loved American culture; blueberry waffles, Godiva dark chocolate, a CD cover of an Itzhak Perlman violin concerto (The New Yorker 4/17/2013). I was surprised and thankful to happen upon Miss Wang’s passion quest. I hadn’t up until that point connected its powerful gift… Continue reading…

Networking essentials…

“If you could pack a bag for a woman who was about to embark on a transition, what would you include?” I asked during an interview earlier this week. I love the question. It’s my favorite one to ask during Focus Groups. As women we carry bags, large and small. Brief cases. Totes. Shoulder bags. Handbags. If yours is anything like mine all manner of detritus can fit inside. Her answer to this bag dilemma? A mirror. Continue reading…

When does transition start?

“Nancy, Nancy, wake up!” I screeched as I tried to wake my sister from across the room. She and I had slept for an hour or two on chairs as we kept vigil at the hospital. My dad, the patient whose hand I was holding, had been battling cancer. Over the week leading up to that morning he’d gone from responsive and laughing to captive in a body fatigued by a long, complicated disease. Thirty minutes earlier I woke up to his erratic breathing. I knew it was time to say goodbye. “Wake up!” Continue reading…

Transition: a financial lens

“The other big shift for me was just recognizing that security is all illusion,” shared a Focus Group participant. We were discussing our lessons learned from transition. The surprises? “I started letting go or recognizing that what I thought was security really wasn’t gaining me the traction for joy or however you want to label it,” she went on. “That was a big let go….(letting go of) going after the paycheck because I thought I needed that security.” Have you bumped into similar lessons? Continue reading…

Transition: a predictable event?

“Can you tell me when I’m about to transition?” asked a colleague and friend. Her tone was hopeful. Did I hear a nervous laugh? She was drowning a bit. She’d just sold her husband’s family home. She’d moved her own parents into assisted living. Her work life had real challenges and her fourth child was readying for college. It made me wonder, are transitions predictable? Continue reading…

Our best defense….

“Everyone else, from my dear husband on, and all of my friends, don’t quite get it,” shared a Focus Group participant. We were discussing the reactions of those around us to transition. This woman was no shrinking flower. She had been the chief researcher at a well-known organization. Early in her career she had successfully transitioned. This was her second time at the plate. She wasn’t alone in her sentiment. All present acknowledged the confusion experienced by many of those closest to them. She summarized the view from a friend’s perspective, “If that’s how you’ve always identified yourself and (now you) don’t identify yourself…then who are you?” They don’t quite get it…. Continue reading…

Creativity’s role in transition

‘I’m not sure how to get from today to where I want to be,’ shared a colleague who is considering transition. She’s had a series of big jobs. She is a type A, fast-tracker. Her dream is to create a new marketing platform for an industry that she’s been in for years. The idea is disruptive and engaging and new. Sounds awesome, right? She carries the financial responsibility for her family among other demands. The result? A lot of ambiguity about how to transition. I wonder if there is any magic to how we transition? Continue reading…

People: transition’s holy grail

“I think I don’t have the right reference groups for what I want to be doing in my life,” shared a Focus Group participant. We were discussing the support structures necessary to navigate transition. Another woman shared, “I think people who have been through it before and for me sometimes it’s people who are actually new to me.” Wow. On balance these ladies sought new, more objective supporting casts as they made their way through transition. Best friends. Mothers. Siblings. Many came up short. Who constitutes your support structure in transition? Continue reading…

Adding more….

“We’ve arrived at this process in an additive way,” offered an articulate woman at a dinner I attended earlier this week. We were talking about a key process for a finance organization while perched high above New York’s East River in a gorgeously appointed pre-war apartment. “We started with a good focus but kept adding items as people joined. Each ‘add’ was in response to an issue raised by a new participant.” The result? An unwieldy thirty step process that arguably undermined the original goals. Have you ever experienced something like this? Additive. Continue reading…

Transition’s Pre-work….

“At the beginning of the year I was looking for a job,” shared a woman who was kind enough to talk with me about her transition. “I was in a miserable situation where I cried and hoped I’d get into a car accident on the way to work so I wouldn’t have to go that day.” What was going on? By her description she was in a highly charged, negative work environment. She felt irrelevant there despite a master’s degree and a heart ready-to-engage. These work conditions affected everything. Her job. Her relationship with her husband. Every facet of her life. Ever been there?

Another friend shared with me the particulars about her three transitions. “I just can’t do what I am doing anymore,” she said as a replay of the self-talk that characterized her feelings when she decided to begin.

While these stories are greatly excerpted I wonder if you sense any similarities? From my perch I hear each woman talking about getting to an end, a breaking point, before initiating a transition.

What are the prerequisites for transition? Should we adopt the model set out by these ladies? Full sprint until we reach a breaking point?

I hope not. My transition has taught me that at least two factors are worth keeping at the ready always…

Stay in touch with your ‘possible’ in whatever fashion you define possible. I remember an incredibly buoyant woman, a tenured marketing professional, who attended one of my Focus Groups. In her transition she was looking for work but her objective was broader than a paycheck. She sought re-alignment between her passions and her daily pursuits.

“I’ve been doing marketing forever. I like what I do. Am I passionate about it? No. And I need to rediscover that passion and align that with my skills. And it could be that I reaffirm that I want to stay in what I’m doing. That’s OK. But I have to find that again in myself in order to really be successful at job searching and ultimately at whatever position I get. And that’s a very uncomfortable place to be in. What am I going to do next?”

This woman committed full-time to her discovery. Terrific but not required. Can you give one hour a month to rekindle the sightlines to your passions? The real risk lies in extinguishing our passion’s voice. One hour?

Fail a little, often. “I wouldn’t do that,” remarked a friend as I detailed for her a rocky last few weeks. I was telling her about my grueling month leading up to the holidays. During that time I’d received a string of ‘no’s’ on one of my favorite projects. It was punishing and heartbreaking and oddly motivational.

Her remark? I took it to mean that rejection and failure just weren’t her bailiwick. Lucky for her she isn’t currently in transition.

Failure is a constant companion of transition. My new definition of transition is a decision to re-assess our underlying assumptions when faced with the need to change. The assumptions include our identity, our values, our capacity and our sense of purpose. At its core transition requires us to test out these new assumptions again and again. By its very nature, iterative.

Why fail a little? It builds up our capacity to reach. In the late 90’s I started a tech company that received venture capital financing. It was awesome. The less told story is that it wasn’t my first start-up. The start-up that preceded this swanky tech company failed. The earlier one had to shut down after two years. I think I cried for an entire weekend once the decision was made. Despondent? An understatement.

It took a while to regroup after that event but my ability to manage risk and failure was greatly expanded the next time I stepped to the plate. Can you find small ways to increase your fail tolerance?

In this season of resolutions and great beginnings can you commit yourself to these two guidelines? Search for your passion’s voice and fail, a little. My guess is that this is the only investment you’ll make in 2014 which is guaranteed to earn you exponential returns.