Last week my ten-year old son and I watched the replay of the first game of the NBA finals between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Golden State Warriors. We were rooting for the Golden State Warriors, his stand-in team given that his beloved Celtics will sit this one out. Thanks to his interest, I stumbled onto a terrific example of one of my favorite transition tools – reframing.
Value?
There it was. That phrase. “…since you’ve been a stay at home mom.” An acquaintance used it in conversation with me over the weekend. It always stops me in my tracks. I get a physical reaction. The hair stands up on the back of my neck. Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with the phrase – nor the choice that it represents. Many women and men make the choice to stay home. If it is your choice, I applaud it. My problem? It isn’t my choice. So, when I hear it, I immediately conclude that the speaker can’t or won’t see the value in what I’ve chosen. That’s where the disconnect comes in for me. I can’t help but wonder where the problem is? Is it them or me? Continue reading…
The Courage of No
When was the last time you said, no? I’m not asking about passing up a calorie laden dessert or skipping an indulgence at your favorite retail escape. I am asking about turning down something meaningful because you knew deep down that it wasn’t right. A job offer? A proposal? A move? Someone else’s expectations? Continue reading…
Distance versus Denial
Last week I was struck by a quick comment made by Joyce, a mid-forties marketing czar and parent. She’d lost her job just prior to year-end 2014. A mutual friend asked if I would have coffee with her. “I’m ready,” she said as we settled into our seats at roast, our local Starbucks alternative. She wanted to initiate a job search. There was something else I heard – her tone and demeanor didn’t quite match. “I put all that stuff behind me,” she said. As if saying, ‘isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?’ Continue reading…
Reframing
A torn little scrap of paper. Hot pink if you must know. It was once a post it note. The adhesive is long gone. I found it in the rubble that constitutes the contents of my day bag. In spite of its humble origins and slightly dog-eared presentment it was a life saver. A simple gift. Continue reading…
A special gift….
Yesterday we froze while sitting at Gillette Stadium for the MIAA State Championship game between Holliston and Wahconah. There were six games being played, all match-ups of division rivals of winning Massachusetts High School teams. We were there to see my nephew, a sophomore, who played in the final minutes of the game. While I am sure it was thrilling for him to be down on the field where the Patriots play my take on the game happened on an entirely different level. I was focused on the contributions of one of his teammates whose efforts seemed extraordinary. Almost magical. Continue reading…
Walking with thanks…
“Thank you,” I wrote in an email last Friday. The recipient was one of a group of women who have graciously offered to read early drafts of my book. I complete chapters and ship them off for review and critique. I wait on pins and needles to hear their response. What comes back always requires me to do a lot of re-work. While humbling this couldn’t be a more energizing experience. In the moment that I wrote that email I realized just how inadequate the phrase ‘thank you’ seemed. Thank you. Continue reading…
A mantra
“You get to decide how you show up,” I said as I spoke with a roomful of women. We were talking about transition and the stress that can accompany its triggers. We’d spent the past ten minutes sharing stories about the obstacles that can get in our way….everyday. A boss. A difficult mother-in-law. A husband who is channeling the 1950’s. An illness. An upcoming marriage. Retirement. Tons of life events can qualify. Most of us have experienced at least one of these. Here’s the tricky part. What impact have you allowed it to have on your day? Your demeanor? Continue reading…
Recalibrating….
“Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something? ” I concluded to a friend this week. I had been awake since 3 a.m. that morning. For what? All sorts of issues – there seemed innumerable topics to toggle through. Writing challenges. A looming deadline. Congressional-like politics at one of my jobs. A home renovation project whose end point keeps receding. A family going in all different directions – literally – while managing in temporary living quarters. Did I mention that I hadn’t gone in weeks for my beloved 5:15 am walk with a neighbor? Silliness. Right? Continue reading…
Magic
“If I had to do it again I wouldn’t give so much energy to the down cycle,” shared Cindy in an early interview for my book. She had been a researcher/scientist at a well-known bio tech company in CA. Cindy was no shrinking flower. She started out as a PhD candidate who was handpicked while still a student to join a cross-disciplinary team at her future employer. Post graduation she ignored feelings that she wasn’t really happy in what she was doing. When she and her female partner moved to the East Coast for her partner’s job Cindy began to honor her feelings more. “I am surprised at how personal it was. My transition was long, evolving and gradual.” Continue reading…